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We’re unlearning sexual stereotypes for holistic well-being with advice from experts.
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For most of us sexual health education both starts and ends with our high school health class. I was taught that both sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy are the result of sexual interaction and that there are contraceptive methods to prevent both. While this education informed me of some aspects included in the realm of sex, it also scared me into a bubble of avoidance of talking and learning about it. But, fear are not what being sexually healthy is about.
“Being sexually healthy means that we are in tune with our bodies’ needs- from pleasure, touch, and intimacy to going to the doctor and getting our check ups, ” Vanessa Geffrard, MPH, a sexpert for the adult wellness brand Lovers, told us in her own words what sexually healthy means. Yet, despite being the daughter and granddaughter of cancer survivors, an athlete in a demanding sport, and an avid reader of all things pertaining to wellness and health, I’ve spent most of my adult life never giving a second thought to the topic of sexual health and how it contributes to holistic health. But, that’s something that is definitely changing.
Start to get the support to unlearn and do your own work to envision what a “great and satisfying” sex life means to you- whatever is it. It’s out there and you can have it!
Vanessa Geffrard, MPH
For one month I tested Rae Wellness ‘In The Mood’ capsules and I spoke with Vanessa and sexual health coach Jocelyn Silva to begin my re-education of what it means to be sexually healthy. Here are my class notes:
Communication
While I tense up at the thought of bringing something kinky into the bedroom, others may get excited (pun intended) at the idea of trying something new and out there. And, both are okay as long as the communication is clear. “At the core, healthy sexuality has one thing in common; open and honest communication,” says Jocelyn. This includes feeling comfortable asking your partner to try something new, or brave enough to speak up if something crosses one of your boundaries.
“Remember to use a combination of show and tell, assertive communication, and play in your conversations, Vanessa suggests. What it means to have pleasure can differ from person to person. Sharing how we’re unlearning sexual stereotypes to for holistic well being with advice from experts and Rae Wellness ‘In The Mood’. fer from person to person. For many of us there is a fear of offending by saying what we want, or what we don’t like. Yet, as Jocelyn highlights, “your pleasure is your responsibility, and it’s your privilege to express that with the person you’re sharing your body with.” Without honest, unapologetic communication, no one wins.
Holistic Health
Sexual health involves every aspect of life; physical, emotional and mental. “When you feel good- you do good!,” Vanessa further explains the correlation saying that, “You start taking greater care of your sexual health. You pay attention to your needs, and your wants, and you pay attention and care for your body.” If we are left unsatisfied by our acts of passion, then that can have a negative effect on other aspects of our lives. Jocelyn tells us that, “general unhappiness, lack of fulfillment, and decreased self-esteem are some of the symptoms that come with not feeling sexually satisfied.”
Sexual satisfaction and activity can also work to benefit our body by reducing our stress levels, improving self-confidence, natural melatonin (a hormone that helps manage our sleep schedules) production and having deeper connections with others. The best part is “our bodies were designed for pleasure. The sole purpose of the clitoris is for sexual pleasure with its 8,000 nerve endings. And the frenulum contains 3,000 nerve endings for heightened orgasms,” says Jocelyn. Our bodies are telling us yes, and now it’s up to us to take control of our sexual health and use it to its full potential.
Herbal supplements can also give you a boost before jumping into all those heightened experiences. Rae Wellness ‘In the Mood’ offers a blend of pure blend of L-arginine, ginseng, maca, and ashwagandha to help support the energy, vitality and blood flow of an adult woman. Maca, a fleshy root from the Andes, has shown evidence to improve sexual function and desire in several studies. Ashwagandaha root extract has also been known to stimulate and fuel sexual well being and desire. And, ginseng is an herb that has shown great promise in helping premenopausal women increase their sex drive.
It’s Never Too Late
When I asked Vanessa how we can improve our sexual health and satisfaction she mentioned the importance of unlearning. “The brain is your biggest sex organ and hiccups around our bodies, purity culture, and past experiences can all get in the way of us really tuning into our pleasure and our bodies.” Sexual education needs a revamp and Vanessa suggest beginning with a personal assessment about the media messages surrounding sexuality that we need to unlearn. Rather than spreading a culture of fear, Jocelyn emphasizes the “importance of teaching the proper terms for body parts and to explain them as ‘private vs public’ body parts instead of ‘clean vs dirty.” Jocelyn shares the story of a 60-year-old woman she had as a client. “She asked me what the strange word was that I kept saying. I asked if she meant “Clitoris,” and she said, “Yes, I have never heard of that word before!”
It is important, no matter what age you are, that you feel empowered and in control of your body. That you feel comfortable with the decisions you make, and confident to speak up if your boundaries are crossed. Whether it is a parent, or teacher, or trusted friend or guardian, it is important to teach these factors that contribute to our sexual health, and overall holistic health.
Tips To Help Your On Your Journey
- First, open up the conversation with your partner. Vanessa suggests asking yourself a few questions about how you communicate your needs, “Do you feel comfortable speaking up with your partners about your needs? Your dislikes? How are you speaking up? Do you need support in having certain conversations? The right partner ensures that you’re comfortable and safe, listens, and is receptive to feedback.”
- Look at other areas of your health. Are you exercising enough? (Jocelyn tells us that weekly exercise helps increase libido and experience deeper orgasms) Do you feel that you are fully present when engaging with your sexual partner? Both physical and mental exercise can help improve your sexual satisfaction.
- A sexual health coach or therapist can be a good resource to help guide and support you through all your sexual health concerns. Or your partner’s.
- Give yourself a little boost with Rae Wellness ‘In The Mood’ capsules. I have taken two capsules a day. I love the minty taste and although my sexual activity hasn’t changed much, I truly have felt happier and lighter than recent months.